Runner

Hebrews 12:1-3, The Message Bible;

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Hi, my name is Leigh. I am a runner. Born into and of a family of runners. Though I am not one who runs for exercise, nor for the sheer joy of running or the music of the soul found therein. No, I am one who runs away from life; from my fears and my problems … and never toward any goal, either positive or negative! I am always seeking, but never really finding true peace of heart, mind, spirit or soul. At least that is who I used to be.

 These are the stories of why I run …

I was born on the 21^st day of April in 1959; my great grandmother Clark’s birthday. I was small and underweight with pink hair. The second daughter of a family that would grow to five have children that survived birth and lived to adulthood. And yet I had been rejected before I was even born.

My mother, also a runner, was a very immature woman of 20 at my birth. To this day, though she is growing, she still has a lot of growing up to do. When she learned that she was pregnant with me, she already had a small daughter under the age of a year old. Now she was about to have another one, and she was very afraid … afraid that my father would leave again when he found out. Afraid that he didn’t love her … never had loved her or their young daughter. Afraid of raising two small children all by herself, as her mother had done. And she was afraid of being all alone in the world – and un-loveable – for the rest of her life … So she contemplated putting an end to her life.

Many days the thoughts of ending her life invaded her mind. Often she allowed them to stay and entertained them for a while … until one day she actually stood upon a bridge, toying with the idea of jumping. In essence, running away from life altogether.

I don’t know what force – other than God, Himself – held her back from the edge of the bridge that day. Or why she never gave in to her fears and suicidal impulses in this sad and lonely time of her life. I can only give thanks to God that she didn’t and that I am here today.